Tuesday, June 05, 2007
@10:39 PM
"Feed my lambs." "Tend my sheep." "Feed my sheep."Something in Simon Peter broke. It did not come from that of the strong, confident, proud man who was more than self-sufficient, but there stood before Jesus a man yielded, broken, humbled.
And this prompted Jesus to say,
"Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish."Big dreams. Sky-high visions. We have all had/have them. It's great to have goals in life, because we are all called to win in life. I want to win, and I love winning. We all want to come to a place where we've made it, stand atop the pedestal and give our well-crafted thank you speech. Yet, time and again, it never really seems to work out. All along, it seems settling for 2nd best was the answer. Always in the finals, but never the top of the pack. Having been told that I'm almost there, but yet never there. I know I will keep on trying, because singing and performing is my life, but WHAT IF it never works out to be the way it was seemingly meant to be? WHAT IF singing for Jesus meant full-time missions work? WHAT IF entering the entertainment industry meant having the worst criticisms thrown at me, and worse so, at my God? WHAT IF I was made to compromise my convictions and values? WHAT IF..."Zoe, will you still be in the running?"Being a great leader. Being there for my members. Having the anointing of God upon my life. Knowing how to minister accordingly. Yes, that's what every leader in the house of God want to be. We all want to be there all the time, we want to see lives changed and our members make the right decisions in life, to grow a strong and passionate team. We want to let people know that they count, and at the same time, know that we count too. Yet, at the back of my mind, when things do not happen, we do question if it is all worth it to lay down our lives for the call of being a shepherd. Sometimes, it does get tiring and retreating seems very much a viable option. WHAT IF you are the last man standing in the battleground? WHAT IF no one is willing to fight with you? WHAT IF..."Zoe, will you still be in the running?"Finding favor in the workplace. Being sought after, headhunted, promoted, finding the ideal job, the ideal career. Yes, I have had my fair share (or more) of God's blessings in breaking the highest ever sales figure amongst the entire company in just the 3rd month of my job, in being given the opportunity to travel solo on a business trip to the US in the 1st month of my job, in doing the never-done-befores in my company. But WHAT IF things came to a standstill after just less than a year into the job? WHAT IF you realise that your colleague who has a family to support is taken off the payroll in the course of only one day, just because they did not meet the expected sales target? WHAT IF your manager puts you down and puts another up constantly through the course of the day, just because you have been too vocal in expressing your concerns instead of following the norm and doing the things that don't work? WHAT IF you never find your ideal job, never get that promotion...WHAT IF?"Zoe, will you still be in the running?"That day, I gave up any ounce of my pride and self-sufficiency. Came undone before Jesus, now positioned ready to go where I may not wish to go (scary as it may sound). I give you all permission to move now.