Sunday, January 20, 2008
@4:00 AM
Confidence. In the great "I AM". In what has already been done more than 2000 years ago on 2 wooden planks roughly joined together.
Confidence that we do not have to prove anything to anyone. We do what we do b'coz we know who we do it unto, and that's enough.
Confidence says "I know I have to and will choose to do what God has called me to do, even if it may upset you."
In
quiet confidence, there is strength that has been found in the secret places.
As a leader of God's people, I am someone who has high expectations of myself. My expectations motivate me, but at the same time, the fear of failing these expectations will make me work extra hard. Sometimes, ministry can enter work-mode. Even as Christians in our marketplaces, the same goes. Yet, like what Pastor shared today, our reading the bible should not be so that we gain a better knowledge to preach to the people around us, our praying should not be so that we can have a better revelation to share with our people, our keeping strong should not be so that we do not stumble the people around us. There needs to be a greater intimacy, a greater reason to do what I do, b'coz I want to swim deeper into the secret places, I want to have the quiet confidence, knowing my place with and in God.
That will take me higher.On a sidenote, I thought of a few people today and it brought to mind the reason why I chose to a enter CG ministry and stay on in this path. I've always been someone who simply adore children and music. Put simply, they never fail to bring new meaning into my life, generating new revelations time and again. The pure innocence of the little ones is revealed in their eyes, and when they say they love someone, they simply mean it. No complications, no explanations whatsoever. And yes, I did think
alot about joining them. As for music, that came as a greater pull: I love to sing, I love to write songs, I feel much like a fish in water whenever I lead praise and worship. To see a congregation lifting up their hands in worship in one accord, to see people weep in His presense satisfies me. Yet, why did I still make a firm decision to choose to serve as a cgl?
Dealing with people is no menial task. Dealing with people expecting you to lead them somewhere higher in their walk with God proved...challenging. Dealing with
interesting, quirky (nicer way of putting
complicated) people sure beats the cool out of me...many times. Yet, having the wonderful opportunity to see lives transformed despite difficulties and struggles adds tremendous value to my life. Knowing that the destinies of great people can be influenced by my words motivates me to want to give my best.
And knowing that what I say, or do, has an impact on people's lives, that it meant something, that it contributed, despite my weaknesses; that never fails to show me how God loves to work His miracle in my life. Yes, children may show me the pure innocence and music may make me feel like a fish in water, but there is no place like leading future history makers into their destiny, and witnessing how God can work through my inadequacies to transform lives...directly.
That makes it all worth the stay. Despite of all.Shared on Friendships in CG today and this is a topic so close to my heart, coz besides family, friends are the people who have left the deepest imprints over my life (of course, God's words are auto-opted in, no doubt about it). Their actions and comments can leave me flying on cloud nine, being in a pensive mood the whole day, or having cloud thunderstorm and rain accompanying through the times I will think and think and still...think through what they have said.
Alot of times, I love to take the path that seeks to please people. My closest friends know that I do not like to confront, and I will end up talking myself out of that very act of telling the truth by telling myself that I need to to be more understanding towards them. Yet, I know I need to be more open in telling the truth in love.
True love has the courage to empower someone with a gentle-prodding that they may have been wrong, but it does not stop there. When gentle-prodding does not work, true love takes it beyond to a place where one can give the hard knock-on-the-heads and wake our friends up. Yes, we all love gentle-proddings, but I have to admit that without the hard knock-on-the-heads from my close friends, I would not be what I am today. Of course, the hard knocks sure proved a bitter pill to swallow, caused me much zzz time thinking through and feeling unjustified, but I knew deep inside that they had a point and I had to stop being difficult. I had to stop blowing up my justifications bigger than the truth. And that will take me higher as a person.
Thanks pals for being so patient with me and encouraging me time and again to stop being so po2 po2 ma1 ma1/ guai3 wan1 mo4 jiao3 about things. I know you all are people who want the
truth undecorated, just as I want it too; coz practically, it saves lotsa time and effort, and the truth undecorated does serve as a good wake-me-up that you care too much for me to leave me nuah-ing the same old way. On the outside, I am upset at why the truth can't come in milder doses; but when I come home and think through, I thank God for the bitter pill, the potent one-time shot, coz it never fails to mark my life, and provoke me to want to change. Fast.
Okay, I promise I will try to be someone more confrontational and be less of a suo1 tou2 wu1 gui1 with my words! ;)