Saturday, May 10, 2008
@1:40 AM
I thought I could put my pretty dress to use. But right now, no longer can I. Well, it really puts me in a super reflective mode, there's so much swimming through my head now.
This-illusion. Disillusioned.
Somehow it makes me lose faith in how something built over so much time and effort could just come apart at this moment. The way they lived it really shaped alot of my belief system: of how I want mine to be like, and of how much I want to be. There were many hopes placed on top on it: it was meant to be the first, the most lavish, the honor involved.
Why so easy? Or rather, perhaps, why so fast? If even I feel the pain, I can't imagine it for you.
One day, I guess you may chance upon this post of mine. And be shocked at my reaction. Though we are not ultra close, I guess you really became my example. The things you did together shook my world, and I was proud to share it with my friends.
Somehow, undeniably, faith in this whole thing leaks out of me. As much as I'm hopeful and I know it might be different, I guess the image is blurred and marred to some extent. After all, this is a live example. And it takes ALOT to start from here again, at this ***.
The other part of me now reacts too. Now the responsibility falls on me to make it happen. There is a pressure, and time doesn't leave me much space. I don't like to make decisions under pressure, or do anything under pressure for that matter. But how? I know this is what the generations passed all look forward to. I know how much my parents want it especially. I want to make them proud and happy.
I just pray it ain't true. Or perhaps, some angel could bring in some super bond super glue and help.